Giving Ourselves Permission with Food

How we approach food and our mindset or beliefs around what we eat may not be healthy.

We need to challenge the mindsets around food that don't serve you and even keep you from the health you desire. There are consequences to black and white thinking about food- the idea only certain foods are "good", other foods are "bad".

For many, making food decisions bears a heavy burden. People are found to underestimate how many food-related decisions they make every day. One food researcher estimates we make over 221 food-related decisions daily! This attributes to my point that we are not aware of how important our mindsets are around food. Not only that but how often these thoughts come up.

Some questions you can ask yourself are: What are these thoughts, how do we actually feel about the food choices we face, and how do we ultimately feel about ourselves when we make these decisions?

I'm curious if these thoughts align with any of yours:

"You shouldn't eat this", "you shouldn't want that", "if you didn't like that you would be better off." We believe "I should only eat healthy," "if I eat unhealthy I'm being 'bad'."

When we submit to eating despite these warnings from our self-imposed food police, we face harsh judgement. "You have no control!", "you don't deserve to eat for the rest of the day", "you'll never lose weight or be healthy", "the diet has to start again tomorrow".

These are examples of thoughts around food that are ever present but not clearly recognized. They are normal thoughts given the social pressure to live "healthfully" but are these thoughts aren't natural nor are they helpful.

One thought is about control. Control will always undermine intuition and trust. If you have to pee, you would never tell yourself that you just need to 'will it' away. There's no problem believing that your body sent you a message that it is time to relieve yourself. The problem would only become worse with denial and overwhelming to the point that all you could think about is peeing. We trust this signaling part of our body for communication and usually respond without question.

You can see there's a misalignment here when it comes to trusting our needs for food, which kinds of foods, when to eat and how much. It's not different from our body signaling it's time to go to the restroom.

Thinking we have no discipline or control around food is self-defeating. Control doesn't belong in a healthy relationship with food. And in fact it's not even related. Food is biological. So control has nothing to do with eating. Yet we have made it so by saying it is ok to eat this, but not that. This much only, at this time only.

This control becomes a false belief that impacts our better health.

Denying ourselves is what leads us to feeling "out of control" when instead we need to embrace these foods without condition.

We learned this behavior. When we were children, we delighted in our favorite foods and cherished the occasions of sweets. We had no beliefs that we could not regulate our desires or how much we ate. We were taught restraint. We learned to believe in deprivation as a means to forcing health. We acquired shame and guilty feelings into our thought processes from others around us- maybe our parents, our friends, media or from people we admired. We learned to stop listening to ourselves and criticize the voice of our needs, desires and cravings. We might even believe we are suppressing the food-demon inside of us. There is no demon of course- it's only our exiled parts that aren't being heard.

These tools we use- restraint, deprivation, shame and guilt- are products of seeking control. Research classifies these as toxic, particularly shame- which don't serve us as we make decisions all day long about taking care of ourselves.

Shame never drives positive behavior. Shame brings anger, rage, rationalization and blame. ~Brene Brown

Whenever we want to take care of ourselves, we need encouragement to change or sustain our behaviors. The mindset needs positive messages to start something new like exercise and encouragement to keep going after the first day.

With toxic mindsets like shame that are designed to enforce control, we stop ourselves from becoming the people we intend to be and stunt the behaviors we need for growth. When I tell myself "I don't deserve to be healthy because I'm no good at this activity" or "I'm so lazy. I'll never be healthy," then I've set myself up to be unsuccessful in taking action. I already told myself I will fail, so why try.

Our judgement about food invades our mental health and undermines our innate ability to trust our bodies. Instead we are busy rejecting our tummy pangs, our taste buds, the release of satisfaction we get when we shift from hunger to fullness, and what's more, we ignore our food preferences. Clearly, this is the opposite of intuition and respect.

Are you afraid to let your judgmental voice go? Are we incapable of eating what we deeply desire with non-judgmental boundaries? Maybe you fear that without this shaming voice in our heads we would run our health into the ground. Would we eat uncontrollably? We assume if given the free choice to eat as we really desire, we will always go for the unhealthy choice.

The good news is that overindulgence is temporary. Yes, of course if I finally give myself permission to eat, and depending on how long and how deep these deprived waters run, I will definitely find a new uncomfortable and unfamiliar relationship with the foods I've locked away for so long. What if you were to eat your favorite food every week, every day, even every meal? Would it still be your favorite? Would you hold it in such a high regard as you had done when you told yourself not to have it or when you restricted how often you ate it? I can imagine you might not want it anymore with the scarcity being over with!

Practicing non-judgment is a worth-while commitment. Practicing the art of letting go of judgement, especially about food, is not an easy task. When I think about letting go of judgements I use an example from the headspace app: Non-judgement can be similar to watching traffic. If your thoughts are each car in traffic, you don't want to spend your time chasing after these cars or worrying about one car after another. The goal is to accept each car driving by (or "thought" that comes to mind) and allow yourself to watch it go by as an observer no matter what the car is doing (or what the "thought" is about).

When you put non-judgement into practice and things finally settle, a new perspective can finally emerge. This new perspective will hopefully be curious, and skeptical and even a little picky. This perspective is similar to a toddler who is trying new food for the first time. If you've ever watched a young child eat, you know they experience their food differently. There is a lot of thought that goes into just allowing these foods to go into their mouths and that doesn't mean they are convinced it should be swallowed!

And what voice does it have? Here's where the challenge lies. Usually we hear the voice of the "Food Police". This is where we stop to listen to what the "Food Police" is actually saying and replace it completely. Our voice sounds like one that is judgment-free. What does that sound like? The book Intuitive Eating uses a voice I quite like. It's called "the Anthropologist." The Anthropologist tells you the facts:

"You ate that really fast- you must be hungry. In fact, you didn't eat breakfast. That makes sense."

"You really like that dessert. It is your favorite flavor and you might even want another piece."

"Your stomach feels uncomfortable and bloated. It could be the great big dinner you had or maybe that one side dish didn't agree with you."

"You feel full but this tastes really good. I could eat more or I could wait to see how my body and hunger feel in another minute- then just see what happens."

"This meal is unsatisfying. I will have to order what I'm craving next time."

Notice how the Anthropologist has a way of being objective. Almost without any emotion. The Anthropologist is not going to make critical statements or snide remarks. That's the intolerable behavior of "The Food Police". Just the opposite- the Anthropologist has no agenda. The voice is only there to help you interpret what's going on in your mind, body and environment. Basically, your Anthropologist makes helpful observations. The purpose of this voice is to learn more about you and help you make discoveries about food.

The point is this: The Food Police limits your ability to explore food and how you feel about it while your Anthropologist can help you become in-tune with what you need. By giving up the nutrition police, you can make authentic and sustainable change that truly serves you.

Let's give ourselves permission with all food and accept these thoughts without any judgment. In doing so we can take great steps toward self-care, provide ourselves loving kindness and grant ourselves grace in the pleasure of eating.